Today I am going to write about the differences between several cosmetic formulas, because just as as cigar is sometimes a penis, a lipstick is sometimes a completely different lipstick with a weird old lady smell and also maybe a penis. Two mascaras from the same brand can be wildly different, so do you really think that all foundations are created equal? Wait… really? Then why are you still reading this blog? Unless, of course, you are my mom and you want to make sure that your daughter is still literate after years of frying her inside parts with Sour Patch dust Hot Pocket juice. Hi, mom!
I’ve been on a spiritual quest to find the most perfect pink lipstick. I want something relatively opaque but wearable and moisturizing. I love my red lipstick as much as the new sparrow-faced Instagram trick, but now that I’m back to a black smoky eye I need something a bit more subdued than Scarlet Letter Filk Finish.
The first product I tried was Revlon ColorBurst Matte Balm in Elusive ($6.49). Given how much I LOVE their cherry red shade, Standout, I assumed I’d be just as nuts for Elusive. Sadly, I was wrong. This formula feels completely different… it’s much drier and highlights every nook and cranny of my pout. I gently scrub my lips with a toothbrush and/or washcloth every night and this stuff somehow made a crispy crunchy tender flaky crust out of my lips. I’m determined to find a way to make this work (balm first? gloss on top?) but until then, it’s been relegated to my cheeks as a cream blush because I am a cheap but ladylike MacGuyver. Next up is Revlon Lip Butter in Strawberry Shortcake ($7.49). Aha! This stuff is infinitely easier to wear: it’s creamy, smooth, and offers a beautiful buildable coverage. The color veers on candy pink but I still like it, especially since I can apply it without a mirror. It is a bit slippery, so feathering is an issue.
(Top to bottom: Revlon MatteBalm in Elusive, Wet N Wild Mega Last Lip Color in Think Pink, Revlon Lip Butter in Strawberry Shortcake)
So your girl’s been feeling a bit like Goldilocks, what with a too-matte and too-glossy lipcolor in each hand. My Hail Mary was a $2.29 stick of Wet N Wild MegaLast. The color is Think Pink and it is the perfect dollhouse pink. The only downside is that it has a decidedly lipstick-y smell. Sort of… old ladyish. Because if I’m not being critical of something, my head falls off.
When it comes to the rest of my face parts, I’ve been using Maybelline Fit Me foundation for a while now and I’ve been quite happy with it. Despite my insufferable oily Greekness, I do get dry skin in the winter (LIKE this post if you get a case of the lizard skins in the winter months) so I take all the moisture I can get, be it from heavy-duty evening cream, liquid foundation, or Cool Whip. That said, I tend to eschew extra moisture in the summer, as I break out into a sweat by so much as looking at a picture of the sun. Because slippery makeup is NOT The Look. I’m going to Guatemala this week so I wanted something a bit more mattifying- I even considered going back to MAC StudioFix powder because DESPERATE TIMES- and decided to try Maybelline Fit Me Shine Free Foundation ($8.99). It boasts the same even coverage as the liquid formula, but it’s light as a feather. The mattifying part lies in this light-colored nipple thing in the middle of the stick, which you can’t see because my iPhone camera won’t let me be great. #nipplegate2k14
The weirdest part about these two formulas is the color variation. I wear shade #202 in the liquid version so I got the same one in the stick. However, the #202 in stick form is significantly lighter in color than the liquid. I mean, this is good for me in the winter months because I’ve gotten pale like Powder, but yeah, just be aware. It’s always a good idea to bring your current foundation for color matching purposes if you’re going to try a new one out.
Application couldn’t be easier: you just swipe the stick all over your face and blend in any rough edges with your fingeys. It’s so lightweight and matte that you don’t need a setting powder (I usually use a layer of Makeup Forever’s Microfinish powder to set my makeup in the morning and touch it up midday). I typically bristle and stiffen when people hug me because I worry about leaving too-tan foundation smears on their garments but I’m confident that this foundation isn’t going to slip or budge from my grill in the case that I ever again experience human contact.
My dowry is Cheetos and rejected pink lipsticks.